Five things I miss about the U.S.

The last in a series.


The top five things I miss about the United States of America


1. Burritos. There is no food that I have craved down here more than a burrito. Not like authentic Mexican knife-and-fork burritos — screw that. I'm talking about the enormous handheld football-sized warmly wrapped-up pieces of heaven you find anywhere in the United States. In Chapel Hill burritos are the post-party late-night food of choice, and there are approximately two Mexican restaurants for every UNC student, so I was disappointed to see a complete dearth of Chipotles and Q'dobas and the like in Argentina. I asked around about the one similar franchise in Buenos Aires, California Burrito Kitchen, but multiple sources confirmed it just wasn't the same and the tortillas were all stupid.

1.5. Spicy food. I figured coming to a Latin American country meant my taste buds would be pushed to their spicy little limits. Turns out, Argentina food is bland enough to satisfy even the most sensitive of wisdom-tooth-removal patients. This seems to be another cultural aspect Argentines borrowed from their European friends. You can specify you want your meal spicy at a restaurant, but it almost always comes out at baby-food levels of unspiciness. I just wanted to douse everything I ate — hamburgers, milanesas, medialunas — in my beloved Sriracha sauce. The only exception to the rule is chimichurri sauce, which has a decent kick and is terribly underused.

2. Family and friends. I miss you blah

3. Napkins. I'm pretty sure nothing pissed me off more the last five months more than Argentina napkins. I swear to God I will never take this simple luxury for granted ever again. In Argentina, table-side napkins are the size of your palm and feel like a sturdier version of tissue paper, or perhaps wax paper fused with a receipt. They don't soak up anything. Sometimes in a restaurant your food will come with one "real" napkin, which if went unused I would horde in my apartment in case of serious spills. Next time I visit Argentina I am stocking up in advance.

4. Predictable toilet-flushing handle locations. In the United States, there is a universally accepted location for toilet flushers: the upper left-hand corner of the tank. But Argentina doesn't play by those rules. Flushers go wherever the hell they want. My first day in the hostel I gave up searching for the flusher after two minutes and left the bathroom. The next time I eventually found it — a nub sticking out of the wall, at eye level, that you push inward. Other creative flushers include a nub on top of the tank, and, in my apartment, a chain hanging from the ceiling. Noticeably absent was the one location I think would make the most practical sense, which is on the floor next to the toilet. Hands-free!

5. Biscuits. Apart from consistently sparking epic British-American English dialect wars among my friends and me (you can have your weird digestive biscuits), biscuits are also a delicious staple of Southern American cuisine. My friends have heard my incredibly detailed accounts of the biscuit-enjoying experience, so instead of describing them again, I'll instead link to the menu of the greatest fast food restaurant in the world. And it's not "iced" tea, it's "sweet" tea; they just included that so foreigners would understand. I'm coming home baby!