After recording a string of memorable upsets earlier in the fall semester, WordReference.com, the plucky online dictionary that translated its way into America's hearts, began to lose steam, and will most likely finish the year as Mark Abadi's fourth-most visited website.
WordReference had been ranked as high as second-most visited, an unprecedented feat that required overtaking three of Abadi's "Big Four." First, YouTube fell. Sporcle and Facebook quickly followed suit, leaving only Deadspin standing in the way of the title.
Widely credited with WordReference's electrifying performance is Abadi's registration to the site's language forum. Puzzled by the wordplay in an Argentine rice commercial, the student posted his first question and immediately began refreshing the page to see if someone had responded, giving the site at least a dozen crucial hits.
"We figured that was going to push us over the edge, when [Abadi] joined the forum," WordReference founder Michael Kellogg said. "We thought we had him hooked at that point."
But with Abadi refraining from additional forum posts, WordReference simply couldn't maintain its performance. Sporcle and Facebook promptly regained their positions in late-semester surges that coincided curiously with Abadi's exam schedule. After a few flip-flops, the dictionary had settled back into fourth place, where it has remained since.
Now, its only hope is for a miraculous comeback during Abadi's last two days in Colombia. Upon his return to Charlotte, Abadi will reportedly receive a new laptop as a late Chanukah present, ensuring this week's standings are final.
Kellogg and company have already begun preparing for the switch, launching a $12.5 billion marketing campaign this week to entice Abadi into visiting WordReference when he opens his new browser for the first time. Employees have been working around the clock subtly pressuring Abadi to look up unfamiliar Spanish words and phrases, from placing ads on Deadspin and Facebook to posing as family members on the telephone to involving the student in a Colombian cocaine cartel in order to trap him in a web of espionage and international intrigue.
"I really feel 2011 is going to be our year," Kellogg said.
At press time, Abadi was clad in nothing but an alpaca fur coat and several gold chains, reclining in a plush king-size bed on the balcony of his marble-and-ivory palace overlooking the Andean peaks, snorting pulverized 50,000-peso bills off the chest of his mistress. He could not be reached for comment.
WordReference's greatest hits
Words and phrases Mark looked up 10 or more times throughout the semester, and their translations
- to melt — derretirse
- blind — ciego
- deaf — sordo
- string — cuerda
- I can't wait to... — No veo la hora de...
- club (the weapon; don't ask) — porra
- by the way — por cierto
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